Uncovered

My first book illustration!

ISBN: 1-4116-6198-2



  

  

M.I.A ?

Busy…

I have been a busy bee, it all started when people kept encouraging my hobbies – I am not a person to take encouragement lightly…I am the person that will take said encouragement and parachute off a cliff grinning all the way. I started my first official company! August Eleven, event planning and design. Not alone mind you – I found someone with loads more talent in all the areas I’m lacking who is just as crazy! We are filing for an LLC right now, which is slightly confusing, but fun all the same – we have our first 5 jobs too! Focusing on charities and benefits, and corporate identities and its running away on its own! So that, along with my other more than ft job – school ft, planning a wedding, and just trying to live a little has had me running at full speed – which is what I prefer, or I get really bored and then mope – and really, no one needs another moper.

To be perfectly honest I’m something of a quitter – not the things I should be quitting like smoking, or cursing, or complaining – but things like the gym (although I’ve been on a super serious month long streak w/ that) - things like assuming my crazy plans wouldn’t work anyway so why not quit before they fail and prove me right – or relationships – why not quit before it gets bad type thing (which I clearly don’t do anymore as I’m planning a wedding after 4.5 years). I spent about a week thinking “what a great idea – I could DO THIS!” then moved on to “What kind of stupid crazy plan is this – what do I know? Who is going to trust me with this kind of stuff – what the hell am I thinking & when in gods name am I going to find time for this?” But if its important to you – you find time – and if you prove yourself, people generally seems to jump on board and provide you with all the encouragement and promoting you need & the next thing you know – everywhere you look about town there are posters and postcards with YOUR COMPANIES NAME ON THE BOTTOM!!!

Event design by August Eleven…

How cool is that? Seriously! We even have this years & part of next years operating expenses covered!

NYC

Mission – marathon wedding dress shopping for wedding sometime next year (some things I really get a rush on - must re-address priorities…)

Time – 2 days – six appointments

1 very organized – very understanding friend who had no idea what she was getting herself into!

THE DRESS – in my mind I had this very simple, unadorned, silk drape-necked dress with spaghetti straps. The back would hit just under the shoulder blades – there would be a chapel train & it would be priced well within my budget…

Silly Girl….

I tried on hundreds – none of them meeting the criteria, I felt suffocated and panicked as mad-eyed brides swarmed around me with bloodthirsty airs of finding their dress – this was not fun – nor was hoofing it all over that god-forsaken city on a Sat. when there are an ungodly amount of tourists sucking up all available cabs!

But low and behold there it was – on the hanger sagged a limp, bedraggled, model sized 2, (ridiculously long and narrow) cream colored silk confection missing its straps - I eyed it dubiously as the nicest sales lady in all of NY pushed it closer –

“Really, I think it will work on you – it does come in white & it will have spaghetti strap’s”

“Fine, I’ll try it – but is this all you have?”

She just smiled and ushered me into the enormous beautifully lit dressing room – my resolve had crumpled, so its come to this, I am standing in a store I cant afford – looking at a dress that mirrors by brokenness.

Light poured down upon me and I heard the angels sing…. Or perhaps they are lacing Starbucks with mood enhancers…

This is it – IT’S THE DRESS!!! It was exactly as I had imagined it – once on, the Richard Tyler marvel of genius design and expert tailoring sprang to life – it emphasized everything good & hid everything bad – it was the weight of tissue yet completely covering – I considered my day – maybe it was a mirage?

This dress was so tight when zipped I had to adjust my breathing to compress my rib cage, the points that should have led to straps jutted defiantly into the air. Someone’s makeup was smeared all over it as if they had in fact mistaken it for a very large tissue – but none of this mattered – like my house, and the fiancé occupying it, I just knew.

I have a bizarre habit of clamoring up when I covet something – if I really love it I act indifferent – some sort of protection from inevitable disappointment… I shimmied out of it – handed it off to the nicest sales lady in NYC and left.

After two more disappointing appointments I had a flash of fear – I hadn’t asked enough questions! I needed to see it again, to feel it – I missed it! One call to Barneys and forty-five minutes of traffic angst finally found us standing in the peaceful bask of the Richard Tyler gown that made my heart go flipity-flop, and I knew – I knew it was worth it, I knew it was THE ONE…

The nicest sales lady in all of NY's comment?

"I didnt even think you liked it (said in small semi-sad voice)- and I thought it was so perfect, but you just seemed blank, like it wasnt at all what you were looking for - It really does suit you though, like it was made for you!"

(ed. note - I had now heard this a thousand times from bored sales people to girls wearing hideous heaps of tule - it didnt matter though bc I knew this one was made for someone like me who detests tule and beading and petticoats and lace!)

So it’s all done – everything’s plotted and planned and just needs to be booked – no more wedding searches! Wooohooo!

Maybe now I can get my damn work done... Or find something else to plan...

Love and Accounting...

So in a classic conversation between a dear friend and I the other day we managed to cross a wire or two…

Prelude- She is sort of dating someone long distance – I am stressing over a balance sheet I need to create for a fictional company - we had been disjointedly discussing both….

Her: So it’s that fun time – you know, when it’s basically all up to your imagination

Me: Oh god – I love that stage – you’re so lucky (thinking about a problem I’m having w/ a balance sheet – thank you ADD) – you know what I hate?

Her: Hmmm?

Me: oh, when it’s so simple – I mean the process, but somehow it fails to make sense and it really should!

Her: Totally – I mean, you just want to know, should I stop dating other people?

Me: huh?

Her: Oh, were you talking about relationships or accounting??

Me: uh, accounting

Her: Oh, I was talking about relationships….

Who the hell are you?

Stages of a relationship…

The beginning – you have no idea who the person really is – but something in your gut says they are a good person – a worthy person – and aesthetically pleasing in such a way that you tend to blush, get butterflies, giddily and somewhat insanely dance about your apartment post plan making.

The adjustment – You now automatically include the other person in all plan making – spend the night, and picture growing old in this persons company trying to establish if you have common goals, similar ideal etc. You laugh at all their jokes, because they are just so funny! There is nothing wrong with them – they are perfect specimens! The last perfect man on earth and you frequently lament your good fortune, pointing out all their fabulous attributes till your friends start to screen your calls.

Discovery – You now find out little fascinating tidbits about their youth – they become human (this accompanied by the pronouncement of bodily functions that were for the past 6-12 months blissfully absent). You find out little things like their aversion to bed making (previously done to impress you, or get into your pants) or dishes – but really what’s the big deal – you hate vacuuming?! You have little tiffs – maybe even a row when you innocently bring up the future and where you both fit in it – I mean come on, you have been picturing it since you first laid eyes on the person – its not your fault they cant picture next week – let alone next year! They find out that you also have an aversion to laundry and have used every date as an excuse for a new outfit (complete w/ shoes, a purse, sunglasses and whatever else you could justify!) They become worried – this does not seem logical - yet they remember your just dating and it seems cute.

Out of excuses – OK, I could see not having a birthday present or V-day present the first and second year (well maybe not – but I forgave you) but by year 3 if your ASKING ME THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY WHAT I WANT THIS COULD END! Oh how nice – you have made golf plans for my day as well – with you and the boys! Asshole! By this point your no longer at it like rabbits – sigh – and more likely to get agitated or snippy – last time you checked sexual favors were not to be exchanged for your cleaning services! You wonder how in gods name they manage to live (disease free) like they are – but the best part is you still have delicious make-ups!

Life, or something like it – You have arrived – you no longer go out, you sleep in Fleece PJ’s with animals and a ripped up painted T and it doesn’t bother you. You pass each other in the halls with vague dialog of what to have for dinner - this is usually repeated a few times because neither of you were listening and therefore have no idea if anything had been settled – bed time follows 2 hours of TV and dinner precisely at 10pm. Weekends are spent cleaning and separately watching TV or maybe a movie together. Depressing as it sounds – its actually a nice buffer against your busy stressful life – everyday you think you love them more – that or who the hell is this person?! This is not what I signed up for! But then right when you feel fed up – something spontaneous and delightful happens and it’s the two of you against the world! Then you sort of briefly cycle back to that insane time when you met and everything was perfect! You get butterflies as you dress (in a new outfit) for a date – even though you live together and have been on hundreds of dates – and you wonder if you will “get lucky” again tonight and start to grin like an idiot as you think of your kitchen, dining room and living room in an entirely different light – You think, I have found the last perfect man on earth - you then lament your good fortune, pointing out all their fabulous attributes till your friends start to screen your calls.

Batten down the hatches….

And meet the parents!

Cast:

My father – the random explorer with no grasp on modern life (a personality cross between Forrest Gump and Indiana Jones with a bio that reads like an issue of National Geographic)

His longtime girlfriend E: - A happy-go-lucky soft spoken sweetheart who adores my father and is ready at a moments notice to jump aboard any of his insane adventures with nary a complaint.

My Mother – A whip smart, yet out of touch with reality, acid-tongued, un-employed recovering alcoholic who is completely unpredictable (in other words, a ticking time bomb)

C’s Father – Your average Dad, plays golf, watches sports – Oh, and most likely considers me the heathen bitch who is dragging his son away from all family tradition, although he is truly a sweet guy.

C’s Mom – She is the one who cooks all day, does laundry, changes the shower curtain to reflect the changing seasons, and did I mention – the woman bakes like 800 different x-mas cookies.

The Plot:

The Wedding….

None of these people have ever met – my mother has yet to meet sweet E – or Mrs. V – or seen my father in so many years. As mentioned my father is completely out of touch – does not play golf and has no idea what is on TV, what will they all talk about?

My ideal: Stress free, easy day in the tropics with steal drums, turquoise water, white sandy beaches with whoever can make it…

C’s ideal: Everyone in attendance, All family members, everyone else happy, a beach, if possible, but really – if no one wants that, then whatever is ok…

My fathers ideal: Yeah – that’s great – whatever you want – have you booked yet? You have to book now! This is YOUR wedding no one else’s! BOOK NOW! Hey – have you considered Machu Pichu?

E’s ideal: Oh T – it’s your wedding – just you and C – do what makes you happy or you will regret it – Can we help? What if we start making outrageous demands – like “all guests have to wear Rastafarian wigs?” I mean – I’m sure his family wouldn’t like that so then we will “give that up” like – ok, you can have that one…

My mother: “For Christ sakes it’s your god-damned wedding – no one else’s!”

His father: “We have traditions in this family! – let me take you guys to waters edge in CT – you will love it! – You will come around – you just don’t know what you want yet!

His mom: “Well, its your day, you have to do what you want – As long as its in New England.. What about Cape Cod? Newport RI? Waters Edge? No really – you do what you want, as long as it is what we want…

Oh the fun…

Some weekend soon – they will all be here…All right here in this very room and I will record it all – someone get me a drink!

Entertaining….

Ah, the first party – woohoo! Dinner for 11 – well, it seemed like a good idea, and while it went off without a hitch – next time it will either be catered or potluck - and NO REAL DISHES! Anyone want to take a stab at this? Ok, so I did about 3 loads of dishes in the dishwasher – hand washed everything else – at the end of the evening, all that was left were the app plates and a couple serving dishes – HE said “don’t worry, I’ll do them” at first I was just blinded by love – Really? Wow, you’re the best! – Since they are still sitting DIRTY in the sink (days later) – I’m not feeling so warm & fuzzy! The best? I left two pairs of shoes in the bedroom and a sweater on the bed – he had the audacity to say, “This place is such a wreck!” Um, yeah hi, it’s me again… ARE YOU NOT THE PERSON WHO LEAVES YOUR SHIT EVERYWHERE?